Drash by congregant Stu Baker on the Healing path of Addiction Recovery delivered on Friday August 30th

I’ll begin with a quote from this week’s Haftorah, Isaiah Chapter 61 verse 10 through Chapter 63 verse 9.

“Nevermore shall you be called ‘Forsaken,’
Nor shall your land be called ‘Desolate’.”

Rejoicing and an expression of gratitude towards G-d for victory over our enemies as well as a recognition of the costs of trampling our foes characterize this weeks reading.

In biblical times, as in our own, enemies are very real. The thought that someone or something “out there” can seek our destruction can be frightening, even paralyzing. All one needs to do is read the headlines to see stories of tragedy from natural events, violence fueled by hatred, greed, or intolerance. In our every day lives the enemy can be very private, secret and lethal.

Let me tell you a story – of one person’s struggle with his enemies –

David first came to us as a drunk doomed to failure. He had been through countless detoxification facilities and treatment programs. He would sober up briefly, for about two or three weeks, then relapse with crack cocaine and alcohol. He was on intimate terms with his drug dealers. Most likely he was one of their best and most reliable customers.

David’s fall from grace had been a journey.

I guess what drew my attention to him to me initially was that we shared a passion for photography. He had seen some of my photographs in my office and we began to talk about them. He told me that at one point of his life, he had also worked in the human services field as a case manager. Here was a kindred spirit. He was well spoken and when he was sober, a soft spoken, kind soul. His wife of more than two decades had stood by him – through good times and bad. The good times had been great – years of sobriety – steady employment – happy memories with a woman he adored. But something was there – always lurking in the background. There was this low level sadness in his life that would never go away –

David met with our psychiatrist – one of the best we had. He prescribed some medications, but to no avail. Our doctor was equally puzzled. Our team decision was to work with him on engaging in 12-step programs and to continue working with groups, individual and couples counseling. Meanwhile, David continued his pattern of brief sobriety, detoxification and return to treatment. He found a very strong sponsor in AA, someone who had met him in our program and who had several years of sobriety under his belt. This is a person who works a very spiritual program and has a deep understanding of the struggle of getting sober.

Following his last relapse, after he threatened the woman he loved, his sponsor helped him enter one last detoxification and then enter a long-term treatment program through the Salvation Army.

David returned to us with six months sobriety. He was ready now to begin doing battle with his demons. He got honest about his childhood. Prior to this he had never been willing to talk about his past growing up. He shared with me the horror that had been his life when he was young. At age 5 he had been taken away from his mother, abducted by his father. His witnessed his father come home drunk regularly and beat his stepmother. David was told how worthless he was, threatened and beaten. Then his father suddenly died and David was faced with making his way in the world.

David’s enemies were inside of him. They were the echoes of his past haunting him. As he was on the verge of success – getting a new job, completing a treatment episode, finishing a training program – he relapsed – drank, smoked crack cocaine – got arrested.

He was now attending 12-step meetings and attending his wife’s church. He agreed, reluctantly, to attend our Men’s Trauma and Recovery group. Meeting weekly with other men who had been through awful experiences, David began to speak about the unspeakable. He told his story to others in small pieces and received attention, compassion and understanding from his brothers. At the same time in the rooms of Alcoholic’s Anonymous and in his church he began to develop relationships with people who genuinely cared for him. He grew to be good friends with his pastor, and was being considered for a position as an elder in the church.

But the enemy never sleeps.

About 18 months ago, David began to experience excruciating gut pain. Multiple trips to the emergency department were futile. The pain was apparently real, but no cause was found. Finally, a gift from G-d, a clever doctor decided to run one more test and there it was… pancreatic cancer.

In the past David would have used this as an excuse. “See, my father was right, I am messed up!” He would be drunk and high on cocaine. This time was different. David chose to stand his ground and fight. He underwent chemotherapy, attended groups for support, and continued his close ties with his church.

He and I have had long conversations about staying focused on today… The slogan from AA about “one day at a time” took on a new and deeper meaning. Every day had become precious to David. Every moment with his wife – a blessing.

In Isaiah, we are told that G-d makes a promise to us:

The Lord has sworn by his right hand, by his mighty arm:
Nevermore will I give your new grain
To your enemies for food,
Nor shall foreigners drink the new wine
For which you have labored.
But those who harvest it shall eat it
And give praise to the Lord;
And those who gather it shall drink it
In my sacred courts. (Isaiah chpt 62, v 8-9)

David’s journey, our journey, is from feeling and believing that we are “hopeless” – that no matter what, nothing can help us triumph over our “enemies”- to feeling a sense of hope – a belief that – somehow – we can be victorious. We are not alone in the struggle.

But, how do we do this?

I can only wish that this could be done simply and easily. Just flick the switch, get the Hope APP on my iPhone, push the right button or tab, and miracle of miracles, I have Hope!

But we know from our life experiences, this just is not the case. To move from anger, despair and hopelessness to serenity, gratitude, and hope requires us to travel through the process of acceptance and surrender.

The members of Alcoholics Anonymous make a suggestion of the steps to this journey:

“We admitted that we were powerless…and our lives had become unmanageable.” What are we powerless over? In a word…our enemies… whatever that may be… addiction, disease, natural disasters, the actions of others.

“We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Taking a leap of faith, that someone or something outside of me…something bigger, greater and grander than me can get rid of this mishugas in my life.

And, “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of G-d, as we understood him.” Here’s the crunch. Its not enough to just believe. We have to trust that G-d will help, that we will be held, and cared for.

Father Joseph Martin ran a treatment center outside of Baltimore. As a young counselor I had the privilege of hearing him speak while I was in Richmond, Virginia. He described the first three steps of the Twelve Steps of AA this way:
Step One … “I can’t handle it.”
Step Two… “I believe someone or something can help.”
Step Three… “I’m going to let G-d help.”

So, how do I move from believing in G-d to letting G-d into my life?

David teaches me that this involves letting other people care about me. More importantly, I believe that they do care. I am not alone in the struggle. The other half is that I show that I care about others. They are not alone in their struggle. My hope for recovery comes from being with and comes through other people. Each day is precious. Each day holds promise, renewed.

I explain hope to clients as “H” “O” “P” “E” – Having Opportunities Presented Everyday…

Our days are a stream of choices and opportunities – Do I do the “right thing?” – What is the right thing? What is the loving and caring thing to do or say? If I have genuinely turned my will and life over to the CARE of G-d – what does that look like? How do I let others in? How do I show care to others so they know that they are not alone?

My will is “I want what I want…and I want it NOW!” This includes all sorts of stuff … things-like toys, money, who my relationships are with, how can I move forward in my career or my life… its all about me – Ego – satisfying myself – my wants and needs –

This is a daily struggle – so I make a conscious decision – a prayer – “G-d’s will not my will” – then the events in my life will play out accordingly – I look around and remind myself of what I am grateful for – for me, a loving wife, family and friends– ample food and shelter – for David –it is time with his wife and having loving friends – for each of us we need to find the answer – to take an inventory of our lives daily and express gratitude.

Let me quote Father Martin again – “we have to put feet on our prayers” – the act of turning our will and our life over to Care involves action – not just prayer – This is how we build Hope – by demonstrating care for ourselves, accepting from and giving care to others

Isaiah directs us:

I will recount the kind acts of the Lord,
The praises of the Lord –
For all that the Lord has wrought for us,
The vast bounty to the House of Israel
That he bestowed upon them
According to His mercy and His great kindness.

If we do the work, then the promise is:

“Nevermore shall you be called ‘Forsaken,’
Nor shall your land be called ‘Desolate’.”